Three Sisters – Level 1

Three sisters who are 92, 94, and 96 years old live together. One night the 96-year-old sister prepares a bath. She puts one foot in and stops. “Am I getting in the bath or out?” she shouts.
The 94-year-old sister shouts back, “I don’t know, I will come up to see. “ She starts going up the stairs and she stops. She shouts, “Am I going up or down?”
The 92-year-old sister is sitting at the kitchen table. She is drinking tea. She is listening to her sisters. She says to herself, “I hope that I will never forget things“, and knocks on wood. Then she shouts, “I will come up and I will help both of you. But first I must see who is at the door.”

 

Game – Level 1

A sad man walks into a bar, and the barman asks him what the problem is.
“My life is horrible,” the man says. “Every night, I play a game of chess with my wife, and every night she beats me.”
“Well, why don’t you stop playing chess?” the barman asks.
“I love the game,” the man says, “I’m a genius. I never lose.”
The barman doesn’t understand. “But you say that your wife always beats you.”
“Well,” the man says, “She doesn’t like to lose.”

 

Photographer – Level 1

A photographer for a national magazine wants to take pictures of a great forest fire. His boss tells him that a small plane will wait for him at the airport. The plane will fly him over the fire.

The photographer comes to the airport only an hour before sunset. A small airplane is waiting there. He jumps in with his camera and shouts, “Go!” The nervous man who is sitting in the pilot’s cabin starts the plane and soon they’re in the air. There is a strong wind and the plane is making strange moves.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” says the photographer, “And go very low.”

“Why?” asks the nervous pilot.

“Because I will take pictures!” shouts the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!”

The pilot says, “You are not the flight instructor?”

 

Optimist – Level 1

Three friends have a good friend. His name is Joe. Joe is a very big optimist. At every bad situation he always says, “This is no big problem. It could be worse.”

His friends don’t like big optimists. So they want to tell Joe a horrible story the next day. They think that Joe cannot find a positive side to this horrible story.

So the next day, only two of his friends come to play golf. Joe asks, “Where’s Gary?”

One of his friends says, “Yesterday, Gary saw his wife in bed with another man, he killed them both, and then he killed himself.”

Joe says, “Well, it could have been worse.”

Both his friends say, “How could it be worse? Your best friend killed himself!”

Joe says, “If it was two days ago, I would be dead now!”

 

Best Friend – Level 1

A woman is in bed with her lover who is also her husband`s best friend.

They make love for hours and then when they are relaxing in bed, the phone rings. It is the woman’s house, so she answers the phone. The best friend listens. He only hears her side of the conversation.

“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so happy that you called… Really? That’s great… I’m happy to hear that you are having such a good time… Oh, that is fantastic… Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye!”

When she finishes the conversation, her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she says, “That was my husband. He told me about all the great time which he is having on his fishing trip with you.”

 

Swimmer – Level 1

Mother comes home from a business trip and she asks her little son, “Well, Johnny, how was your life with father when I was away?”
“Everything was fine, mum,” the little boy says. “Daddy took me to the middle of the lake by boat every morning and I swam home alone.”
“Wasn’t it difficult for you to swim?”
“Oh, no, mum, the only problem was that I had to get out of the bag first.”