A woman didn’t follow the traffic rules. She was sent to traffic court. When they asked about her job, she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge stood up from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher! Now sit and write ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred times!”
A doctor is examining a woman. She is in the Emergency Room. The doctor took the husband aside.
“I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither, doctor. But she’s a great cook and she is really good with the kids.”
A man goes into a post office one day. A middle-aged bald man is standing at the counter. He is sticking stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He also sprays the envelopes with perfume.
The man goes to the bald man and asks him,
“What are you doing?”
“I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards. They’re signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“I’m a divorce lawyer.”
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood when he asked the prisoner,
“What are you charged with?”
“I was doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“That’s no offence”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”
An old man went to the doctor. He had problems with a terrible pain in his leg.
“I am afraid, it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “I can’t do anything about it.”
“That can’t be true!” replied the old man, “You just don’t know what it is”.
“How can you possibly know that I am wrong?” asked the doctor.
“Well it’s simple,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exactly same age!”