What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand!
Doctor: “I am not sure why you are not well. I think it could be the alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life. They had a good time. One day, one of the men, Harry, started talking about a fantastic restaurant. He went to this restaurant the other night with his wife.
“Really?” one of the men said, “What’s it called?”
Harry thinks for a few seconds and says, “What are those good-smelling flowers called again?”
“Do you mean roses?” the first man asked.
“Yes that’s it!” and he looked at his wife and shouted, “Rose! What’s the name of the restaurant we went to the other night?”
Every Snack You Make, Every Meal You Bake, Every Bite You Take I’ll Be Watching You!
1) You are reading this.
2) You are human.
3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
4) You have just tried it.
6) You are laughing at yourself.
7) You have a smile on your face, and you have just skipped number 5.
8) You have just checked if there is number 5.
9) You are laughing at this because you love having fun.
10) You are probably going to send this to your friends.
On a plane that was headed to New York, the flight attendant went to a blonde who was sitting in the first class section. He asked her to move to the lower class because she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.” The flight attendant didn’t want to argue with a customer, so he asked the co-pilot to speak with her. The co-pilot went to the blonde and asked her to move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde. I’m beautiful. I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”
The co-pilot went back to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the lower class section. She mumbled to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so…”
The flight attendant and the co-pilot were surprised, and they wanted to know what the pilot had just said. The pilot replied, “I told her that the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
A man in a pub tells his friends:
“Before the wedding, I spoke and she listened. After the wedding, she spoke and I listened. Now, we both speak and the neighbours listen.”
Bob Smith wasn’t happy about his job and decided to find a new job somewhere else. They always told him “NO“ when he asked for a job. It was because people knew him as someone who didn’t like working at all. He had a very bad reputation. One day the phone rang at his office. Bob did not usually pick up the phone but this time he did.
“Hi,“ said the man on the line, “I have an unusual question to ask you. I need some information about Bob Smith. He is applying for a position in our company. Do you know him?“
„Sure, I know him,“ responded Bob with a smile.
“Tell me,“ asked the man, “is he a hard-working person? Does he always come to work on time?“
“Well, I’ll be honest,“ Bob replied, “ I’m not such a hard-working man, but whenever I’m here Bob is here!“
The boss asks his blonde secretary, “What is in my diary this week?”
The blonde secretary answers, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…”