Budweiser – Level 2

A big football fan walks into a bar, hits the table, and shouts, “Give me a Budweiser, or…!”
Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens every day for a week, and the bartender starts to be nervous and very scared. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him that he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it.

The next day, the big football fan returns.
“Give me a Budweiser, or…!”
“O-o-o-o-r-r-r… w-w-what?” says the bartender quietly.
“A small Coke.”

 

Best Friend – Level 1

A woman is in bed with her lover who is also her husband`s best friend.

They make love for hours and then when they are relaxing in bed, the phone rings. It is the woman’s house, so she answers the phone. The best friend listens. He only hears her side of the conversation.

“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so happy that you called… Really? That’s great… I’m happy to hear that you are having such a good time… Oh, that is fantastic… Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye!”

When she finishes the conversation, her lover asks, “Who was that?”

“Oh,” she says, “That was my husband. He told me about all the great time which he is having on his fishing trip with you.”

 

Swimmer – Level 1

Mother comes home from a business trip and she asks her little son, “Well, Johnny, how was your life with father when I was away?”
“Everything was fine, mum,” the little boy says. “Daddy took me to the middle of the lake by boat every morning and I swam home alone.”
“Wasn’t it difficult for you to swim?”
“Oh, no, mum, the only problem was that I had to get out of the bag first.”

 

Dentist – Level 2

A man and his wife entered a dentist’s office.

The wife said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want any anaesthetics because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”

“You’re a brave woman,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is.”

The wife turned to her husband and said, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear.”

 

Texan Farmer – Level 3

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Australian shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have cattle that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Australian replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”

 

Six Children – Level 2

A man has six children and is very proud of this fact. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six”. His wife doesn’t agree with this title but her man continues using this title.
One night, the husband and wife go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now, Mother of Six?”
His wife, who is finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, “Anytime when you’re ready, Father of Four!”

 

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