Photographer – Level 2

A photographer wants to take pictures of a forest fire. A small plane waits for him at the airport. The plane will fly him over the fire.
The photographer comes to the airport only an hour before sunset. A small airplane is waiting there. He jumps in with his camera and shouts, “Go!”
The nervous man who is sitting in the pilot’s cabin starts the plane. Soon they’re in the air. There is a strong wind and the plane is making strange moves.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” says the photographer, “And go very low.”
“Why?” asks the nervous pilot.
“Because I will take pictures!” shouts the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!”
The pilot says, “You are not the flight instructor?”

 

 

 

One earring – Level 2

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be normally a conservative man and is curious about his sudden change of style.
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies quietly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

(I always wondered how this trend started.)

 

From 0 to 200 – Level 3

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him,
“Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE.”
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

Monk – Level 1

A man wants to be a monk. He goes to a monastery. He talks to the head monk.
The head monk says,
“You must be quiet all the time. You can say only two words every three years.”
The man says OK. After the first 3 years, the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“Food cold!” the man says.
Three more years go by and the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“Clothes dirty!” the man shouts.
Three more years go by and the head monk comes to him and says,
“What are your two words?”
“I finish!” says the man.
“Well,” the head monk says, “It is logical and I understand. All your time in here, you speak only about problems!”

 

Three Jewish Mothers Compare Sons – Level 3

Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a bench and they are talking about how much their sons love them.
Sadie says, “You know that I have a Chagall in my living room? It was my son, Arnold, who bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is, he loves his mother.”
“You call that love? You know my Mercedes? I’ve just got it for Mother’s Day. It’s from my son, Bernie. What a darling!”
Shirley says, “That’s nothing. Do you know my son Stanley? He’s in therapy and has five sessions a week. And you know what he talks about? Me!”

 

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