Peter and John are walking their dogs when they see a restaurant.
“Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Peter says.
“We can’t,” replies John and points at the “NO PETS ALLOWED!” sign.
“Ah, the sign… Don’t worry about it!”
Peter puts on his sunglasses and enters, but the doorman stops him.
“Sorry, no pets allowed.”
“Can’t you see?” says Peter, “I am blind! This is my guide dog.”
“But this is a Dobermann – who uses a Dobermann as a guide dog?”
“Oh, you haven’t heard? This is the latest type of guide dog! They do a very good job!”
John sees that Peter’s plan is working. He puts on sunglasses too and tries to get into the restaurant with his Chihuahua. The doorman quickly stops him.
“Don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of guide dog too!”
“You mean they gave me a Chihuahua!?”
“Doctor, my husband is talking in his sleep! All night! What can I do?”
“Let him speak during the day!”
“I have so much work to do. It’s terrible! I’m working twenty-five hours a day!”
“You are not! There are only 24 hours in one day!”
“That’s right. I have to get up an hour earlier.”
The leader of the vegetarian society couldn’t help himself anymore. He needed to try some pork. He really wanted to know what it tastes like. And so, on a summer’s day, he told his members that he was going on a vacation. He went out of town, and visited the nearest restaurant.
He ordered a roasted pig, and impatiently waited to try it. After a few minutes, he heard someone call his name. He saw that one of his colleagues was walking towards him. Just at that same moment, the waiter came with a roasted pig, and it had an apple in its mouth.
“Well, isn’t this just terrible!?” says the leader after a moment, “All I did was order an apple, and look what the apple comes with!”
An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “I have your test results. I have bad news for you. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.”
The old man says, “It is not so bad. I don’t have cancer!”
A recent study shows that men who are married live longer than single men. However, many of them want to die.
Scientists have recently discovered that beer contains a little of female hormones. This was proved when 100 men were given 12 pints of beer. Scientists observed that a surprising percentage of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand!
Doctor: “I am not sure why you are not well. I think it could be the alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life. They had a good time. One day, one of the men, Harry, started talking about a fantastic restaurant. He went to this restaurant the other night with his wife.
“Really?” one of the men said, “What’s it called?”
Harry thinks for a few seconds and says, “What are those good-smelling flowers called again?”
“Do you mean roses?” the first man asked.
“Yes that’s it!” and he looked at his wife and shouted, “Rose! What’s the name of the restaurant we went to the other night?”