When I get to Heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there any postmen in Heaven? If so, will I have to apologise?
An old married couple was watching TV, and the husband had the remote. He was switching between a fishing channel and a porn channel. The wife soon became very annoyed.
“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!”
“Johnny, give me a sentence that starts with I.”
“No, Little Johnny. Always say I am.”
“All right… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
“Doctor, I felt miserable and I tried to commit suicide. I decided to swallow a thousand aspirins.”
“Really? And what happened?”
“I started feeling much better after the first two.”
A blonde goes to the library:
“I borrowed a book from you last week, but it was so boring! No action at all, only a huge amount of numbers!”
“Aha, so it was you who took our phone book!”
A girl goes to a pet shop. She asks the sales assistant, “Do you have a wasp?”
The assistant says, “Sorry, little lady. We don’t have any wasps.”
“What? You’re lying! I can see a wasp in the window right now!”
A young couple is sitting in the park, and the boy asks:
“Could you love a stupid boy who is really rich?”
“Oh, Fernando! You are rich?!”
“I once sold a colour TV to a blind man,” says the first one.
“I sold a stereo to a deaf man,” says the second one.
“And I sold a cuckoo clock to a blonde,” says the third.
“And I sold 100 kg of bird feed with it!”
“Sailors like it.”
“What is it?”
“Does it have breasts?”
“So, it’s rum!”
The financial situation in Europe is not easy. But people in Europe still keep their humour and they are making jokes about it. This is one of them.
A Greek man, a Spanish man and a Portuguese man are sitting in a restaurant. They have a good time, they drink, they joke and they laugh with girls. It is a good party. At the end of the party someone asks a question,
“Who is going to pay for all the drinks?”
The three men say in one voice, “The Germans.”