Cows – Level 3
Two cows are standing on top of a hill. One cow turns to the other cow and says, “Are you worried about mad cow disease?” The other cow looks puzzled. “Why? I’m a helicopter.”
Smart Boy – Level 3
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit poo. One of the boys said, “What is that?”
“They’re smart pills,” said the other boy. “Eat them and they’ll make you smarter.”
So he ate them and said, “These taste like poo!”
“See,” said the other boy, “You’re getting smarter already.”
Soldier – Level 3
Some Polish, English, and French guys are running away from German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.” The English guy, thinking fast, says, “Tweet, tweet, tweet.”
The Germans, thinking it’s a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”
The French guy, thinking fast, says, “Hoot, hoot, hoot.” The Germans, thinking it’s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”
Sheep – Level 3
A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, “Take that sheep to the zoo, now.”
The next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.
This policeman stops the guy and says, “What on earth are you doing with that sheep?”
The guy says, “Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I’m taking him to the movies.”
Female Dormitory – Level 3
On the first day of college, the principal addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
“The female dormitory will be closed for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 for the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
One student raised his hand and asked, “How much for a season pass?”
England Football Team – Level 3
A man walks into a bar with a dog on a lead. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. “A pint, please,” the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game on TV.
When the local team scores a goal, the dog barks and dances around the bar and jumps very high.
“Wow,” the barman says, clearly impressed. “What does he do when we win?”
“I don’t know, I’ve only had him for two years,” the man replies.
Sign – Level 3
The teacher says, “Why are you late, Joseph?”
Joseph replies, “Because of a sign down the road.”
The teacher says, “What does a sign have to do with you being late?”
Joseph replies, “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!’”
Punishment – Level 3
A student is talking to his teacher.
The student says, “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
The teacher replies, “Of course not!”
The student says, “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”
Principal – Level 3
“Isn’t the principal an idiot!” said a boy to a girl.
“Well, do you know who I am?”asked the girl.
“No,” replied the boy.
“I’m the principal’s daughter,” said the girl.
“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.
“No,” she replied.
“Thank God!” said the boy with a sign of relief.
Texan Farmer – Level 3
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Australian shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have cattle that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Australian replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”