Jerry was in hospital. He was recovering from his surgery. A nurse asks him how he is.
“I’m OK, but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used during the surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say?” asked the nurse.
A general manager was with his secretary on a business trip. They had to be accommodated in a room with a single bed because all the other rooms were full. After dinner and several glasses of wine, the manager says:
“Look, we only have one bed. How are we going to sleep tonight? As husband and wife or as a general manager and a secretary?”
“As husband and wife,” the secretary cheerfully answers. When the manager hears that, he turns to the wall and starts snoring.
A man calls the office of an airline. He asks, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The office worker says, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” says the man and hangs up.
A patient asks the doctor:
“What will happen if the operation is not a success?”
“Don‘t worry. If it isn’t, you won’t be able to tell.”
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he saw a policeman who said, “Now, now young boy, I think you should take that monkey to the zoo.”
The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again when he saw the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey boy, I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo!”
The boy answered, “I did! Today, I’m taking it to the cinema.”
“Where is the manager?”
“He is on the phone. It’s his wife.”
“How do you know that it is his wife?”
“Because he is not saying anything.”
“Mummy, you have such a nice dress. Where are you going in it?”
“I’m going to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet.”
“But you’ve seen it 5 times!”
“Yes, I know, but not in this dress.”
The new employee stood before the paper shredder and was looking confused.
“Do you need some help?” a secretary asked.
“Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?”
“It’s simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and putting it into the shredder.
“Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”
In a Catholic school restaurant, a nun puts a note in front of a pile of apples, “Take only one. God is watching.”
Next to the apples, there is a pile of cookies. A little boy writes his own note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
Two farmers are speaking, “I want to buy this sheep, but it is too expensive!”
“Yes it is, but look at its coat! It is 100% wool!”