A blonde goes to the library:
“I borrowed a book from you last week, but it was so boring! No action at all, only a huge amount of numbers!”
“Aha, so it was you who took our phone book!”
A girl goes to a pet shop. She asks the sales assistant, “Do you have a wasp?”
The assistant says, “Sorry, little lady. We don’t have any wasps.”
“What? You’re lying! I can see a wasp in the window right now!”
A young couple is sitting in the park, and the boy asks:
“Could you love a stupid boy who is really rich?”
“Oh, Fernando! You are rich?!”
“I once sold a colour TV to a blind man,” says the first one.
“I sold a stereo to a deaf man,” says the second one.
“And I sold a cuckoo clock to a blonde,” says the third.
“And I sold 100 kg of bird feed with it!”
“Sailors like it.”
“What is it?”
“Does it have breasts?”
“So, it’s rum!”
The financial situation in Europe is not easy. But people in Europe still keep their humour and they are making jokes about it. This is one of them.
A Greek man, a Spanish man and a Portuguese man are sitting in a restaurant. They have a good time, they drink, they joke and they laugh with girls. It is a good party. At the end of the party someone asks a question,
“Who is going to pay for all the drinks?”
The three men say in one voice, “The Germans.”
Dracula decides to have a competition to see which of his bats is the best. So, all the bats take part in this competition. The rules are simple. The bat which sucks more blood than the others is the winner.
The first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Its mouth is full of blood. Dracula says, “Congratulations, how did you do it?”
The bat says, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family.”
Dracula says, “Very good”.
The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes. Its face is covered in blood. Dracula is shocked, “How did you do that?”
The bat replies, “Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a hotel. I went in and sucked the blood of all the guests.”
Dracula says, “Fantastic.”
Now, the third bat goes and comes after just 1 minute. All of its body is covered in blood. Dracula doesn’t believe his eyes,
“How did you do that?”
The bat replies, “Do you see that tower?”
Dracula replies, “Yes.”
And the bat says, “Well, I didn’t.”
Miranda likes to sing. Every time she begins to sing, her husband goes outside.
Miranda is sad about this.
“Don’t you like my singing?” she asks her husband.
“Of course I do,” he replies.
“I just want to make sure that the neighbours know that I’m not beating you.”
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a passing car hits the door and it flies away. The lawyer gets so mad – he loves his BMW so much!
Soon, the police arrive: “Officer, look what happened to my Beemer!”
“Lawyers are so materialistic!” says the officer, “You are worried about your stupid BMW! Didn’t you notice you’re missing your left arm?”
“Oh my god! Where is my Rolex!?”
A girl handed in a short story for her English class. The instructions were simple – the story had to be about religion, sexuality and mystery, and it had to be as short as possible.
Having received the marked paper, the girl rejoiced. She was the only student to get an A+. This is what she had written:
“God! I’m pregnant – I wonder how that happened…”