Every Snack You Make, Every Meal You Bake, Every Bite You Take I’ll Be Watching You!
Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.
The boss asks his blonde secretary, “What is in my diary this week?”
The blonde secretary answers, “Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday…”
Peter goes to a doctor, “Doctor, I have a problem,” he says.
“When I sleep in my bed, I think that there is somebody under my bed. I look under my bed and I think there is somebody on my bed. On, under, on, under. I think that I am crazy!”
The doctor thinks for one minute. Then he says, “Come to me for 2 years. Come here three times in a week and I will help you.”
“How much will I pay?” Peter asks.
“One hundred dollars for a visit,” the doctor says.
Peter says, “I will think about it.”
Peter never comes back. After two weeks, he meets the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you come to visit me?” the doctor asks.
“One hundred dollars for one visit? It is expensive for me. A barman helped me for 10 dollars.”
The doctor doesn’t understand, “What did he do with you?”
“He told me to cut the legs of the bed.”
A man calls the office of an airline. He asks, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The office worker says, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” says the man and hangs up.
“Where is the manager?”
“He is on the phone. It’s his wife.”
“How do you know that it is his wife?”
“Because he is not saying anything.”
Two farmers are speaking, “I want to buy this sheep, but it is too expensive!”
“Yes it is, but look at its coat! It is 100% wool!”
An instructor in a driving school tells his student, “Tell me, how does the motor work?”
“Can I use my own words?”
Police: Where do you live?
Me: I live with my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: They live with me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Police: Where is your house?
Me: It is next to my neighbours‘ house.
Police: Where is your neighbours‘ house?
Me: I‘ll tell you but you won‘t believe me.
Police: Tell me…
Me: It is next to my house…
A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Does your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he does it all by himself.