Fisherman and Snake – Level 2

An old fisherman was fishing in the lake one day when he saw a water snake moving across the water with a frog in its mouth. He had been a fisherman for a long time. He knew the best food for some large fish were frogs. With this thought, the fisherman grabbed the snake from behind and carefully removed the frog from its mouth. He put the frog in his side bag. The fisherman feared the angry snake would bite him, so he grabbed his bottle of homemade whisky from his pocket and carefully poured 2 drops into the snake’s mouth. The snake’s eyes shone for just a moment and then it moved away slowly.
A few hours later, the fisherman was about to head home, when he felt something touching his leg. He looked down and was amazed to see the same water snake with 2 frogs in its mouth.

 

Teenagers and Cats – Level 2

If you have a teenager, you might find some similarities between them and cats. For example:
1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.
2. No matter what you do for them, they look happy just a little bit. Or sometimes there is no reaction at all.
3. You almost never see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.
4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living room sofa for hours without moving.
5. Cats and teenagers keep coming home when they want.
6. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers behave as if they did.

 

Corn – Level 2

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and shouted at the boy, “Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”

”That’s very nice of you,” Willis answered, “But I don’t think my father would like me to.”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be okay,” the farmer replied.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and he said, “But my father won’t like it.”

After a good dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my father is going to be really angry.”

“I don’t think so. Everything will be okay,” the neighbour said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

 

Soldier – Level 2

Some Polish, English, and French guys are running away from German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.” The English guy, thinking fast, says, “Tweet, tweet, tweet.”
The Germans, thinking it’s a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”
The French guy, thinking fast, says, “Hoot, hoot, hoot.” The Germans, thinking it’s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”

 

Baby – Level 2

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found that it is under normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

“Breast fed,” the woman replied.

“Well, take off your clothes,” the doctor asked. She did. He started to examine her breasts. He pressed them many times in different places.

Then he asked her to get dressed and he said, “Of course, the baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.”

 

Cow – Level 2

A farmer wants to milk a cow in the barn. He puts his chair next to the cow and the bucket below it. As he starts milking the cow, she kicks the bucket with her left leg. After a while, the farmer is angry and takes a rope to fix the cow’s leg to a pole. But before he can start milking again, the cow kicks the bucket with her right leg. So the farmer fixes the right leg to another pole.

The farmer wants to start milking again, but now the cow is hitting him with her tail. He decides to fix the tail to the roof. He puts the chair behind the cow and  he steps on it. But he has no rope, so he takes off his belt to fix the tail. So as he is holding the cow’s tail in one hand, his belt in the other, his pants drop down right before his wife enters. She looks at him in a state of shock.

He just says, “Sometimes things are hard to explain.”

 

Budweiser – Level 2

A big football fan walks into a bar, hits the table, and shouts, “Give me a Budweiser, or…!”
Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens every day for a week, and the bartender starts to be nervous and very scared. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him that he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it.

The next day, the big football fan returns.
“Give me a Budweiser, or…!”
“O-o-o-o-r-r-r… w-w-what?” says the bartender quietly.
“A small Coke.”

 


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