A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. To his shock, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
A man goes into a post office one day. A middle-aged bald man is standing at the counter. He is sticking stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He also sprays the envelopes with perfume. The man goes to the bald man and asks him, “What are you doing?” “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards. They’re signed, ‘Guess who?'” “But why?” “I’m a divorce lawyer.”
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a passing car hits the door and it flies away. The lawyer gets so mad – he loves his BMW so much! Soon, the police arrive: “Officer, look what happened to my Beemer!” “Lawyers are so materialistic!” says the officer, “You are worried about your stupid BMW! Didn’t you notice you’re missing your left arm?” “Oh my god! Where is my Rolex!?”
