Jesus is in heaven. He goes for a walk. He walks along the walls. He hears a voice. It is coming from the other side. It is the voice of an old man.
“Hello? Hello?” says the man.
“Who is it?” asks Jesus.
“Just a poor, old carpenter. I’m looking for my son.”
“Joseph?”
“Pinocchio?”
A patient walks into a doctor’s office.
“Doctor, people ignore me.”
“Next!”
Women are like telephones. You hold them, and they love it. You talk to them, and they love it.
But press the wrong button, and you are DISCONNECTED.
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar. But you can’t tuna fish.
It is a beautiful morning. Dean comes early into his office… and sees Martin. Martin is kissing his secretary. Dean doesn’t like this. Martin is his employee!
He screams: “Martin, do I pay you for this?”
“No sir, I am doing this for free.”
“Johnny, give me a sentence that starts with I.”
“I is…”
“No, Little Johnny. Always say I am.”
“All right… I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
A girl goes to a pet shop. She asks the sales assistant, “Do you have a wasp?”
The assistant says, “Sorry, little lady. We don’t have any wasps.”
“What? You’re lying! I can see a wasp in the window right now!”
“Sailors like it.”
“What is it?”
“Does it have breasts?”
“No.”
“So, it’s rum!”
Miranda likes to sing. Every time she begins to sing, her husband goes outside.
Miranda is sad about this.
“Don’t you like my singing?” she asks her husband.
“Of course I do,” he replies.
“I just want to make sure that the neighbours know that I’m not beating you.”
My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in, but I can never find it later.