An old man went to the doctor. He had problems with a terrible pain in his leg.
“I am afraid, it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “I can’t do anything about it.”
“That can’t be true!” replied the old man, “You just don’t know what it is”.
“How can you possibly know that I am wrong?” asked the doctor.
“Well it’s simple,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exactly same age!”
If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
Dear God,
When I get to Heaven, can I sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Also, are there any postmen in Heaven? If so, will I have to apologise?
Thank You,
The Dog
“Doctor, I felt miserable and I tried to commit suicide. I decided to swallow a thousand aspirins.”
“Really? And what happened?”
“I started feeling much better after the first two.”
A young couple is sitting in the park, and the boy asks:
“Could you love a stupid boy who is really rich?”
“Oh, Fernando! You are rich?!”
The financial situation in Europe is not easy. But people in Europe still keep their humour and they are making jokes about it. This is one of them.
A Greek man, a Spanish man and a Portuguese man are sitting in a restaurant. They have a good time, they drink, they joke and they laugh with girls. It is a good party. At the end of the party someone asks a question,
“Who is going to pay for all the drinks?”
The three men say in one voice, “The Germans.”
A lawyer opens the door of his BMW. Suddenly, a passing car hits the door and it flies away. The lawyer gets so mad – he loves his BMW so much!
Soon, the police arrive: “Officer, look what happened to my Beemer!”
“Lawyers are so materialistic!” says the officer, “You are worried about your stupid BMW! Didn’t you notice you’re missing your left arm?”
“Oh my god! Where is my Rolex!?”
Dave and Kevin are at a New Year’s Eve party, and Dave asks Kevin for a cigarette.
“Didn’t you quit?!”
“I am in the process of quitting. Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?”
“Yeah,” laughs Dave, “I just stopped buying them.”
One retired woman says to another, “I couldn’t go to sleep today because of my teeth.”
The other one says, “I don’t have that problem. My teeth and I stopped sleeping together a long time ago.”
It’s Saturday evening. The pastor asks the assistant priest:
“What do you want to do in sermon the tomorrow?”
“I think I will tell people that it is important to save their money, their food…”
“Good, but ask them to give a little money first.”