New password – Level 1
A husband and wife have a new computer. They need to set up a password. The husband types in “Mypenis”.
The wife falls on the ground. She is laughing. The computer says, “Error. Not long enough.”
One earring – Level 2
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be normally a conservative man and is curious about his sudden change of style.
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies quietly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
(I always wondered how this trend started.)
From 0 to 200 – Level 3
Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him,
“Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE.”
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Doctor Examines a Woman – Level 2
A doctor is examining a woman. She is in the Emergency Room. The doctor took the husband aside.
“I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither, doctor. But she’s a great cook and she is really good with the kids.”
The Perfect Man – Level 2
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To express his love to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.
He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.
Why are Women like Telephones? – Level 1
Women are like telephones. You hold them, and they love it. You talk to them, and they love it.
But press the wrong button, and you are DISCONNECTED.
Kissing the Secretary – Level 1
It is a beautiful morning. Dean comes early into his office… and sees Martin. Martin is kissing his secretary. Dean doesn’t like this. Martin is his employee!
He screams: “Martin, do I pay you for this?”
“No sir, I am doing this for free.”
An Old Married Couple Watching TV – Level 3
An old married couple was watching TV, and the husband had the remote. He was switching between a fishing channel and a porn channel. The wife soon became very annoyed.
“For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!”
Rich but Stupid – Level 2
A young couple is sitting in the park, and the boy asks:
“Could you love a stupid boy who is really rich?”
“Oh, Fernando! You are rich?!”
What Do Sailors Like? – Level 1
“Sailors like it.”
“What is it?”
“Does it have breasts?”
“No.”
“So, it’s rum!”