The Ideal Woman to Marry – Level 3

One day a friend asked Fred, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”
Fred replied, “Well, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”
His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”
The friend said, “So, what’s the problem?”
Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

One earring – Level 2

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be normally a conservative man and is curious about his sudden change of style.
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies quietly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”
“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

(I always wondered how this trend started.)

 

From 0 to 200 – Level 3

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him,
“Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE.”
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 

The Perfect Man – Level 2

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel and never mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man loves children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
And a good husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He’ll do anything in his power
To express his love to you.

The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He’s a best friend to your mother
and kisses away your pain.

He will never make you cry
or batter you in any way
To hell with this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.

 


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