One day a friend asked Fred, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Well, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “So, what’s the problem?” Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
Why are married men fat and bachelors are not? The bachelors go to the fridge. They see nothing that they want, and then they go to bed. Married men go to bed – they see nothing that they want, and then they go to the fridge.
A husband and wife have a new computer. They need to set up a password. The husband types in “Mypenis”. The wife falls on the ground. She is laughing. The computer says, “Error. Not long enough.”
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be normally a conservative man and is curious about his sudden change of style. The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies quietly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE.” The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
A doctor is examining a woman. She is in the Emergency Room. The doctor took the husband aside. “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.” “Me neither, doctor. But she’s a great cook and she is really good with the kids.”
