A woman is in bed with her lover who is also her husband`s best friend.
They make love for hours and then when they are relaxing in bed, the phone rings. It is the woman’s house, so she answers the phone. The best friend listens. He only hears her side of the conversation.
“Hello? Oh, hi… I’m so happy that you called… Really? That’s great… I’m happy to hear that you are having such a good time… Oh, that is fantastic… Thanks. Okay. Bye, bye!”
When she finishes the conversation, her lover asks, “Who was that?”
“Oh,” she says, “That was my husband. He told me about all the great time which he is having on his fishing trip with you.”
“Isn’t the principal an idiot!” said a boy to a girl. “Well, do you know who I am?”asked the girl. “No,” replied the boy. “I’m the principal’s daughter,” said the girl. “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy. “No,” she replied. “Thank God!” said the boy with a sign of relief.
Mother comes home from a business trip and she asks her little son, “Well, Johnny, how was your life with father when I was away?” “Everything was fine, mum,” the little boy says. “Daddy took me to the middle of the lake by boat every morning and I swam home alone.” “Wasn’t it difficult for you to swim?” “Oh, no, mum, the only problem was that I had to get out of the bag first.”
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Australian shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have cattle that are at least twice as large as your cows.” The conversation almost dies when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those?” The Australian replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”
An old man is going by car. He is going on a big road. His phone rings. He answers the phone. He hears his wife. She tells him, “Herman, I listened to the news. They say that there is a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!” “It is not only one car,” says Herman, “It is many cars!”
A man has six children and is very proud of this fact. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six”. His wife doesn’t agree with this title but her man continues using this title. One night, the husband and wife go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home now, Mother of Six?” His wife, who is finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, “Anytime when you’re ready, Father of Four!”
A dog thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, stroke me, and take good care of me. They must be gods!” A cat thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, stroke me, and take good care of me. I must be a god!”
A man from a circus travels by car. He has long hair and looks like a mafia boss. A policeman stops the car. When he looks inside the car, he is shocked. The car is full of big knives. “What are those big knives doing in your car?” asks the policeman. “I play with them in a circus.” “Oh, really?” says the policeman, who doesn’t believe him. “Let’s see how you do it.” The man gets out and starts throwing and catching the knives. Another man, who is driving around, stops to watch the situation. “Wow,” says this man. “I’m glad that I stopped drinking before driving. Look at the tests which they’re giving now!”