Soldier – Level 2

Some Polish, English, and French guys are running away from German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree.
When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.” The English guy, thinking fast, says, “Tweet, tweet, tweet.”
The Germans, thinking it’s a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”
The French guy, thinking fast, says, “Hoot, hoot, hoot.” The Germans, thinking it’s an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, “We know you’re up there. Come down.”

 

Female Dormitory – Level 3

On the first day of college, the principal addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

“The female dormitory will be closed for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 for the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”

One student raised his hand and asked, “How much for a season pass?”

 

Baby – Level 2

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found that it is under normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

“Breast fed,” the woman replied.

“Well, take off your clothes,” the doctor asked. She did. He started to examine her breasts. He pressed them many times in different places.

Then he asked her to get dressed and he said, “Of course, the baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.”

 

England Football Team – Level 3

A man walks into a bar with a dog on a lead. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. “A pint, please,” the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game on TV.

When the local team scores a goal, the dog barks and dances around the bar and jumps very high.
“Wow,” the barman says, clearly impressed. “What does he do when we win?”
“I don’t know, I’ve only had him for two years,” the man replies.

 

Cow – Level 2

A farmer wants to milk a cow in the barn. He puts his chair next to the cow and the bucket below it. As he starts milking the cow, she kicks the bucket with her left leg. After a while, the farmer is angry and takes a rope to fix the cow’s leg to a pole. But before he can start milking again, the cow kicks the bucket with her right leg. So the farmer fixes the right leg to another pole.

The farmer wants to start milking again, but now the cow is hitting him with her tail. He decides to fix the tail to the roof. He puts the chair behind the cow and  he steps on it. But he has no rope, so he takes off his belt to fix the tail. So as he is holding the cow’s tail in one hand, his belt in the other, his pants drop down right before his wife enters. She looks at him in a state of shock.

He just says, “Sometimes things are hard to explain.”

 


We have detected that you are using an AdBlocking extension.
Please turn off this kind of software and reload the page.