A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be normally a conservative man and is curious about his sudden change of style. The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies quietly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my car.”
Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE.” The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
An old married couple was watching TV, and the husband had the remote. He was switching between a fishing channel and a porn channel. The wife soon became very annoyed. “For God’s sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!”
A man and his wife were having some problems, so they decided to try silent therapy. The following week, the man realized that he needed his wife to wake him at 5 a.m. He had to catch an early flight, but he didn’t want to be the first one to break the silence. So, he wrote on a piece of paper: “Please wake me at 5 a.m.” The next morning the man woke up, but it was already 9 a.m. He missed his flight! He was furious and started screaming at his wife, but she just showed him a piece of paper next to his bed. “It’s 5 a.m. Wake up.”
An old man goes to the doctor. He complains that his wife can’t hear. “You need to test your wife. Stand far behind her and ask her a question. Then, start going closer to her. You will see how close you’ll get when she hears you.” The old man is happy that he can help his wife. He runs home. He sees that his wife is making dinner. “Honey!” the man says standing 20 feet away. “What are we having for dinner?” he asks. The wife doesn’t reply. The man tries again. He stands 15 feet away, but there is no answer. He stands 10 feet away and asks again. No answer. Finally, he is 5 feet away, “Honey, what are we having for dinner?” “I’ve told you four times! Lasagne!”
A man in a pub tells his friends: “Before the wedding, I spoke and she listened. After the wedding, she spoke and I listened. Now, we both speak and the neighbours listen.”
